Socrates, Students and Sex in the 21st Century (you can stop giggling)

By Alex Pennick

If you’re reading this article by the title, chances are you will be disappointed. Let me take the chance to say to every student reading right now one last word before bitter disappointment kicks in. Sorry.

Well, with that out of the way, I guess I can get on with writing the article.

After the usual, last-minute, rushed search for my group and the usual 40-minute train ride, we arrive at the lecture hall. Our breath is taken away by the outstanding architecture, subtle definition and unsubtle suggestion of time honoured grandeur. But only for a second, because that’s all we have time for before we are swept by the orderly yet eager crowds into the university. We are given drink tokens, which many of us quickly exchange for cans of diet coke and bottles of water, as we make our way to the seating; moving out the way and holding doors open, in frantic display of manners and politeness, for the hordes of girls from all the girls schools from all over the corners of London. We are clearly outnumbered.

Lectures slowly pass, one after another. We momentarily learn about everything from modern arts (déjà vu!) to quantum physics. Our group sits in silence, save a quiet occasional discussion made in the vain effort to disguise the slight whistling noise of a lecture flying over our heads. The seconds drag by like minutes. In an ambiguous mixture of amazement, brief understanding and a yearning to have read up on the subjects in preparation, we sit, we talk, we ruffle packets of crisps. Enter intermission.

After a number of brief, brisk discussions, only two of our group claimed, in a charmingly arrogant way, to have understood the lecture. The rest of us only got the briefest of grasps; and in a chillingly clichéd manner, the deepest of thirsts…..

….which suited the few of us who saved our drink tokens…

….and back to the lectures. The fickle teenagers among my readers will be disappointed to know that the Sexual Ethics in the 21st Century, whilst an anti-climax, was actually interesting and engaging. The speaker completely mangled utilitarianism; which is disappointing considering we were shown a good history of philosophers ranging from the ancient Greeks to the modern Islamic view. “The utilitarian believes two things, suffering is bad and pleasure is good” we are told. And yes, whilst all utilitarians begrudgingly agree to this statement, she continues to tell us that “Through the utilitarian viewpoint it is therefore best to engage in a large number of meaningless sexual relationships instead of a meaningful monogamous lifestyle.” Oops! With all genuine respect to the female speaker, all the utilitarians among the readers (i.e. me) will be either responding with stuttering agitation or the classic face-palm. The mistake which the lecture is then based upon is that: a) utilitarians cannot differentiate between 1) short term and 2) long term pleasure, and that b) purity of pleasure does not come into consideration within utilitarianism. And if you’re still reading, I’m impressed.

Still, we plunge silently and uneventfully onto the subject that drew every reader’s attention when they received the schedule: Life after death. As well as being controversial as hell (pun almost not intended); pondering the subject has got to account for a good part of every hardcore geeks (i.e. me again) alone time. We are shocked, enlightened and confused in the next half an hour. The speaker touches on quantum physics, brain surgery and Harry Potter in quick succession. We leave with plenty to discuss.